This is why experienced Dommes create so many hurdles and prefer you jump them:

Posted by Lady Cyn Aptic on February 4, 2015 at 10:55 AM

I wrote this a few days ago while working on my new FAQ page, and it seemed like it would make a decent and informative blog entry...  I'm counting this as my one elaborate/thorough entry per month for January, as per my resolutions.  :P

Doing sessions is incredibly fun - when it happens. It's fulfilling and I love developing the dynamic and seeing how various people tick, bodies and minds react, etc.... having a long term interaction and helping people more deeply explore, or sometimes even just having a great one time session with someone compatible passing through town. This is the only reason I am still "in the game" - when it happens, it's great. That's what many want, and I am happy to provide. But it's not all whips and roses.  There are reasons even the best Dommes can seem wary and exhausted, especially during the booking process.

I've had many regular clients who, after speaking to me or hanging out with me for a while not believe some of the things they witness when it comes to the crappy part of this job.  I can't blame them... they couldn't possibly fathom someone not showing up for an appointment or wanting to make our lives miserable, while some simply don't understand why we make them jump through so many hoops to book an appointment or fail to jump for joy at the chance to see them when they are still potentials and unknown to us.  Perhaps they have a "normal" job and have never  thought about the underbelly of ours.  But witnessing some of these things happening, or even hearing some of our horror stories seems to be elucidating - so I thought I would say something about it...


This is why experienced Dommes create so many hurdles and prefer you jump them:


People try to dick you around, 50-70% of new clients do not show up to confirmed appointments, most of which require extensive coordination and preparation (this is why I implemented a deposit for new clients, and this is why most Dommes do not allow blocked numbers - in 13 years not one person who booked with a blocked number has followed through).


People call everyday expecting you to drop everything and order them around or be explicit/dominant on the phone with no intention of setting an appointment, and they assume we are not aware of this (because we're Domme-bots with nothing else to think about and should be super excited about expending mental energy to fulfill the desires of a stranger who has no intention of booking a session - and if we don't, we're "fake").


On that note - people are rude and insulting because we charge for a service; people are also rude and insulting when we don't provide a service they want (aka escorting - ironically the most common response to telling a prospective client that you don't offer sex is being called a whore...smh).


People share their most intimate issues in explicit detail, and if we sound bored or uncomfortable or need to hang up we're selfish and cold (because, despite not knowing the person we are talking to, we are responsible for their emotional well being... even when they call us in the middle of grocery shopping).


People haggle (most who try to haggle also never show up, it's a game... I have no problem negotiating rates after someone sees me for the first time and proves themselves reliable - but if you're insistent about bargaining the first time you're contacting me, it's a red flag).


Sometimes (surprisingly) people call repeatedly with the same specific story thinking we won't recognize it (special shout out to haircut fetish crossdresser, elaborate kidnapping guy, and adamant atheist blasphemy fetish guy - along with virtually everyone who has asked for racial humiliation). I honestly have no idea what these people get out of the repetitive behavior or why they think we don't recognize them. They are not like -


The people calling who are obviously and blatantly masturbating and attempting to get us to say key words or phrases so they can get off. Again, it's not like we can't tell what you're up to or that you're not going to book an appointment if we're worth our salt. Or -


The kids who prank call us. These can actually be funny as hell and usually end in epic embarassing fails fo the callers (special shout out to the group of college kids where one insisted they wanted me to pee in a glass after inserting one plucked out pubic hair, that one was creative, you guys must have been drunk off your asses). Funny as it is, still a waste of time - though this one can be genuiney amusing.


And, generally, we are dehumanized and judged. I'm certain many of you feel the same way about your jobs. Yet there is this view that insulting or harassing someone in our line of work is more than acceptable (and I'm certain more than one person reading is guilty of this) - I've gotten death and rape threats, sometimes for simply saying that I won't fuck someone for money after negotiating a session (wounded ego? I make it pretty clear that's not going to happen) - sometimes because the person perceived my interests to be perverse in their moral compass (though everything I'm interested in is between consenting adults, and none of their business honestly). This should not be reason for that kind of response, yet those who I'm certain are all around perceived to be decent human beings, some with families, respectable jobs, who tip their waitresses and banter with their bartenders are the same people who - believing nobody sees them or cares - take out their fucked up frustrations on us - those they consider the trash of society or morally depraved, consciously or not. Because that's okay and not at all hypocritical. The logic is strong with egoists and fanatics. ^_^


Some of my friends in the business enjoy bringing these people down or messing with them, I find it funny and stupid unless someone takes the extra step and targets me/attempts to harm me (which has happened, and was yet another strike against continuing pro-Domming - but I'm still here.). Beyond this, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's just a grand litany of chaos I could do without.  

If scheduling a session were simple and guarunteed on my end I would be thrilled and taking several appointments per day.  Unfortunately it's not.  So I, and I believe most of us, greatly appreciate our clients who do make the effort to jump the hurdles, realize we are people who don't simply exist for their amusement, and make our live a little bit easier.  

To those who have done this, thank you.  


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